SportsCrack

Week 5 Power Sixteen

After some feedback, I decided to up the Power Ten to a Power Sixteen. It adds some parity and shows the major teams in the playoff hunt. And that's always good.

#1 New England Patriots (4-0) - Serious talk of them going undefeated has officially begun.

#2 Dallas Cowboys (4 -0 ) - Week 6 vs. New England is on at 4:15? What the fuck happened to NBC's flex schedule?

#3 Indianapolis Colts (4 - 0) - It was close for a bit, but they sprung that game against the Broncos wide open.

#4 Green Bay Packers (4 - 0) - Still undefeated. And it seems the only threat they have now in the division is the... Lions?

#5 Seattle Seahawks (3 - 1) - There was talk of the 49ers giving the Hawks a run for there money for the NFC West. Guess not.

#6 Pittsburgh Steelers (3 - 1) - Week 5 against the Seahawks should show if the Steelers are for real.

#7 Jacksonville Jaguars (2 - 1) - Coming off a bye week to play the Chiefs. They should be fine.

#8 Tennessee Titans (2 - 1) - Vince Young is improving each week. Kind of like last year...

#9 Detroit Lions (3 - 1 ) - I never would have thought that the Lions would be this high on a Power Rankings list... will they keep it up? I'm predicting no.

#10 Tampa Bay Bucs (3 - 1) - I know Cadillac Williams is gone for the season and I considered dropping them down a bit for that but... this year's been fucking crazy. Watch Earnest Graham become the next Frank Gore.

#11 Washington Redskins (2 - 1) - They could have easily won that game against the Giants in Week 3. They play the enigma that is the Detroit Lions next and we'll know a lot more about both teams after the game.

#12 Denver Broncos (2 - 2) - I'm not sure exactly what caused the second half breakdown in the game against the Colts, but I'm still standing by that this is a solid team.

#13 Baltimore Ravens (2 - 2) - A loss to the Browns could have dropped them down quite a bit, but you know what? I think the Browns are actually good this year.

#14 Arizona Cardinals (2 - 2) - A win against a very good Steelers team gets them some respect in the rankings. Even if their QB situation is incredibly fucked up and weird.

#15 Houston Texans (2 - 2) - I'm keeping them relatively high since they lost to the Colts (good) and Falcons who I don't know what to think of.

#16 Cleveland Browns (2 - 2) - I've always thought that the Browns have had some talent on both sides of the ball and a great head coach. They just haven't had a QB... for fucking ever. Now, Dereck Anderson looks halfway decent. And for them, that will bode well... I think.

Week 4 NFL picks

I'm way too hung over to write anything sooooo... here's the picks. I wouldn't put any money on them though--I'm 15-17 on the season. Which I guess isn't that bad but... I dunno.

Vikings, Raiders, Jets, Falcons, Lions, Ravens, Cowboys, Panthers, Seahawks, Chargers, Steelers, Broncos, Giants, Pats

The Week 4 Power Ten

Ranking thirty two teams just does not make sense to me. Why rank the bums in the 19-32 category? Or for that matter, after the top ten? Everyone knows they suck, why do we need to rank how much they suck? That's always befuddled me...

Here at Football Crack though, each week I will present the Power Ten: the top ten teams going into the following week. Let's get started.

#1 New England Patriots (3-0) - 38-14, 38-14, 38-7. Those were the final scores of the first three Patriots games. I'm not even going to say anything else, because I don't need to.

#2 Dallas Cowboys (3-0) - I've been saying all season long, they had the NFC East on LOCK. Now, they have the entire NFC on lock. They play the Pats on October 14th--too bad it's not a Sunday or Monday night game: it could be a Super Bowl preview. Bill Parcells must be kicking himself in the ass right now.

#3 Indianapolis Colts (3-0) - They showed weakness against the Titans AND Texans but they still pulled out the win both weeks. And as we all know, that's all that matters.

#4 Pittsburgh Steelers (3-0) - They had an off year last year, but they look like the Steelers that won the Super Bowl two years ago. Bill Cowher might be kicking himself in the ass, as well.

#5 Green Bay Packers (3-0) - Yes, I know. It even feels weird putting them this high. However, I still say the Chargers are the same team as last year. They were just too cocky, but they've been knocked on their ass and will improve as the season progresses. And the Pack pulled off a win against arguably the most talented team, pound for pound, man for man. And for that, I have to give them the #5 spot.

#6 Jacksonville Jaguars (2-1) - I held the Broncos in very high regard before they lost to the Jaguars Sunday afternoon. I mean, I still do--but the game made me look at the Jaguars differently than I had before. It's still early in the season but it seems Jack Del Rio made the right choice going with David Garrard over Byron Leftwich at QB.

#7 Baltimore Ravens (2-1) - They barely beat the Cardinals, true. But they pulled out the win. And just as I said with the Colts, that's all that matters in the NFL.

#8 Seattle Seahawks (2-1) - I'm still not sold on the Seahawks. I honestly believe they will lose to the 49ers. And the anemic play of Alex Smith aside, an impressive "this division is ours" win on Sunday will definately change my mind.

#9 Denver Broncos (2-1) - Jay Cutler is still growing as a QB. From what we've seen this season, they lost to a great Jacksonville team, so there really isn't anything to be worried about it.

#10 Tennessee Titans (2-1) - By all accounts, Tennessee could be 3-0 if they had pulled off the win in Indy. So I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and have them cap off the Power Ten. They looked impressive against New Orleans Monday night. Maybe it was because New Orleans sucks this year, maybe not. None-the-less the Titans are for real.


The list may be controversial, but please, if you disagree, skewer me in the Comments section. For real. I don't get a lot of comments. At least not yet.

And before I end the post, I went 7-9 last week so... there you go. I officially have no fucking clue what I'm talking about prediction wise, apparently. But you have to admit, this 2007 season has been pretty fucked up so far. At least that's what I 'm saying to make myself feel better.

Week 3 picks

I was 8-8 last week with picks... which if viewed in baseball terms means I'm batting .500. Which is awesome. But since the NFL isn't viewed in basball terms (it's viewed in football terms..) 8-8 isn't very good. Like a regular season record, it oozes mediocrity, yet it teases. As long as you didn't go 12-4 the previous season, 8-8 means your on the fucking up and up, baby.

However... (here comes a disclaimer of sorts) I have decided, for qualities sake.. that picking every single game, every single week is a bit much. I mean geez, I work two jobs, need eight hours of sleep each night MINUMUM to not be a douchebag for the first 3-4 hours I'm awake, and not to mention I have a kid on the way... so suffice to say, I have a lot of shit to deal with. As much as I would like to sit down and write about all 12-16 games going each week, I can't. So even though the ESPN Knee-Jerk question post was a complete disaster (the questions were sent in by fucking retards, read the previous post for more incite), I'm still going to rip off the world wide leader. Kind of.

John Clayton's 1st and 10? What?

How about Football Crack's...

4th and 5? Huh? How cool is that?

...Hello? Does anyone even read this fucking blog? Whatever... LET'S DO THIS! RAAARF! (That's supposed to simulate, in words, a bark of sorts. Think Rampage Jackson but with a dog. And less gay...





:O?

Just kidding.

No, for real. That howl gets me pumped up, Quentin. Whenever you do it I funnel a beer. Seriously. The howl is the farthest of far, gay-wise. Really, the sad part is it's true. But at least I don't funnel Natty Ices..

Or.. do I?

Anyway, I'm only going to comment on five games a week. I'll show my picks for every other game following my fantastic commentaries.

Week 3 picks:

Buffalo @ New England - Since I am a shamless Patriots fan, I will no doubt pick their game as one of my five picks of the week. And most likely, I will pick them to win.

Fuck it, I will definately, always, pick them to win. What kind of person picks AGAINST their home town team? I don't care if your from Detroit, you just don't do it. None-the-less, I will show my football knowledge with this simple statement:

Even though it directly conflicts with my fantasy matchup this week, Lawrence Maroney's breakout party will begin this week. He will have a beastly week against the Bills. If not, don't worry, I'll call myself on it.

In fact, some of my best writing comes from when I make fun of myself.

Hmm...

Detroit @ Philadelphia - Philly is overrated and Donovan McNabb can't even hit Kevin Curtis on a short out route, for not only the win, but my fantasy destiny in Week 2. Thanks again, Donovan. :D

And no, I'm not racist.

COME ON! I listen to rap music.

That's a valid reason, right? And how could I be racist if my starting QB this week is David Garrard? He's black... aaaaaand he's a quarterback.

Will I be pissed if he throws for 70 yards, no TD's and three picks? Of fucking course, I will. Will the verbal slanders I unleash upon him after such a performance rival Alex Smiths, the 49ers white QB after his last two performances?

Probably not. Garrard is a better QB than Smith at this point in time. And Alex Smith, thus far, is the most overrated QB in the league. Some prospect, he's been. Steelers will destroy the 49ers this week. Guaranteed.


Cincinnati @ Seattle - I put quite a bit of money on Cincy this week. Whether or not that amount of money is more or less than $10 shall remain to be seen.

Yes, Cincy's defense is fucking horrendous. But...

Yes, Carson Palmer will have a monstrous day. My fantasy opponent this week has him as one of their two starting QB's, though. :/

At least I gots Rudi Johnson! :)

Cincinnati will win, though. It's my NO DOUBT PICK OF THE WEEK!

Dallas @ Chicago - I can and will, never take Rex Grossman seriously. As a person? Sure, he's a nice guy. But as an NFL QB? I think I might be able to do better.

Dallas has the NFC East on LOCKDOWN! There! I said it AGAIN! And I'll say it every week until I'm proven wrong, and forced to make a post making fun of myself to counteract it.

I doubt I will have to, though.



Tennessee @ New Orleans - Yes, New Orleans has sucked so far this season. No, they will not lose to the Titans on their home turf in LA.

Yes, I need to cut this post short because I'm tired and have been drinking Natty Ices all night.

But quickly, the rest of my picks!

Miami, Pittsburgh, San Diego, K.C., St. Louis, Baltimore, Indy, Cleveland, Jacksonville, Atlanta, Washington.

Last week: 8-8. This week: The universe!

ESPN Knee Jerk Questions

I like to get ideas for posts sometimes by ripping off the questions ESPN asks it's expert panelists. Scummy? Probably. Do I care? Nope.

Let's get started...

1.) Sorry '72 Dolphins, Patriots to go undefeated.

On paper, yes, I think this could happen. But as we learned from the past few years Colts teams, keeping your team healthy and rested for the playoffs is more important than going undefeated, but increasing the risk of fucking it up and not sweeping the board in the playoffs.

Before I saw the Cincinatti Bengals defense last week, I thought the Monday night game in Week 4 might be a problem. But now, I don't think so. I mean, I could fucking throw for 300 and 3 TD's on that D. The Cowboys in Week 6 has some potential to be a deal-breaker, as well as Week 9 against the Colts. How the Colts game isn't a Sunday or Monday night game befuddles me greatly. Hold on, let's go check the games that did get picked. Dallas @ Philly on Sunday night and Baltimore @ Pittsburgh on Monday night. Not bad games, but come on. Maybe the NFL figured the Pats would have the AFC East all but locked up by then, which could be the case. Whatever.

Week 12 it's a Sunday night game against Philly followed by a Week 13 Monday night matchup against the Ravens. Two potential losses right there, as well as Week 14 against Pittsburgh. Other than that though, it looks like smooth sailing for the Patriots. They're bound to lose at least one of those games, it's just how the NFL works. Teams have off weeks. I have a feeling though they'll lose their first game in an upset to the fucking Dolphins or something, though. So the answer to this question is: The Patriots will most likely not go undefeated, but there'd be no fucking way I'd bet that they wouldn't either. 15-1 sounds about right, though.

2. The Saints are back to being the 'Aints.

First off, people react way too fucking quickly to things that happen in the NFL. The Saints are only 0-2 folks, yes, they looked horrible, but they have yet to play at home where they were fucking magical last year. I'm not even old enough to remember the Saints being called the 'Aints, and if I am, I must have deliberately chose to ignore the term since it's so queer.

For all we know, the Bucs are a good team. I highly doubt it, but you never know. And the other Saints loss was to the Colts. Didn't they win the Super Bowl last year? Yes, it was a rape job, but it was Week 1. There is 17 weeks in the NFL season. So let's calm down, please. The Saints are not back to being the 'Aints. And if it ends up as such, please, let's not call them that.

3. Steelers vs. Cowboys for the 4th time in the Super Bowl.

I like the Cowboys a lot. I think they're a lock to win the NFC East, and since the NFC is pretty weak, the whole conference as well. The Steelers are 2-0 and look pretty good, but they play in the same conference as the Colts, Ravens and Patriots. AND IT'S ONLY WEEK 3! THERE'S SEVENTEEN WEEKS! WHY ARE WE EVEN SAYING THE WORDS 'SUPER' AND 'BOWL' YET?

So let's save this question for hmm.. I don't know--Week 14?

4. Damn straight, the Pack is back!

I guess this one all depends on how you define 'back'. If you define it as not sucking ass for the whole entire season and being albeit, even a small, contender--then yes, the Pack is back. Like every other fucking question, it's Week 3. They haven't even played a notable contender yet and yes, even though they're in a weak NFC North, let's save the judgement please. They play San Diego this week, so if they're D plays up to par and it's not a total blow out then yes, the Pack is back!

5. Bad apple: Jets, Giants to go winless in 2007?

I don't know who asked these questions, but they're fucking retarded. Two teams going winless? Are you serious? The more relevant question would be, are they both going to finish at or below .500? I think the Jet's will finish 7-9 and the Giants 5-11.

But both of them going winless? I'm never using ESPN's Knee-Jerk questions for content, ever, ever again.

6. Bank on it: Texans will make the playoffs.

Um, no.

They've looked good, yes. But they've beaten the Chiefs who by all accounts suck... a lot, and they've beaten the Panthers who by all accounts... I don't even know. They could be good, could be bad. It's basically a toss up for them.

They play in a division with the Colts and Titans and could technically snag the second wild card spot if the Bengals are as bad as they played last week. But I doubt it. Maybe if Andre Johnson was playing this week and they stole one from the Colts--but he's not, so they won't.

And since all but one of these knee-jerk questions sucked... I'm going to make up my own:

7. The Razor's Edge in Arizona? Edgerrin James back to top form?

Yes. But nothing was really wrong with him, just his blocking and team as a whole.

I ready somewhere that Edge was asking all his coaches, new and old this past off-season what he did wrong last year. What happened? How could he improve? Nothing, they all said. For the most part they were suprised he got as many yards as he did with such horrible fucking blocking. So, with an improved O-Line and an improving Matt Leinart at QB, Edgerrin James will be one of the top 3 backs in the NFL at years end.