SportsCrack

Week 8 picks

Not a lot of posting lately. After this week's games I'm going to post up a new Power Sixteen as well as some other clever little nuggets I've been dreaming up. Until then, though, the Week 8 picks:

Cleveland @ St. Louis - The only thing that remotely made me second guess the Rams winning this one was that Stephen Jackson is pretty much a lock to play. However with one of the shittiest offensive lines I've ever had the displeasure of watching (due to injuries, mind you), that doesn't matter too much.

Pick: Cleveland

N.Y.G. vs. Miami @ London, England - Pretty much every single person in the world thinks the Giants will win this one. And you know what? So do I.

Pick: N.Y.G.

Philadelphia @ Minnesota - I have absolutely no clue what to think of this Eagles team. They look solid one weak, and then absolutely fucking horrible the next. Minnesota on the other hand has Adrian Peterson, who went absolutely fucking apeshit on Chicago in Week 6, then only got 12 carries against the Cowboys in Week 7. Why did this happen? I do not know. Will it happen this week? I certainly hope not.

Pick: Minnesota

Indianapolis @ Carolina - Even with the Colts playing on the road, with a short week (having played on Monday night) I still think they're going to fucking spank the Panthers. At least David Carr and his queer white gloves won't be on the field for Carolina. That's something for Carolina fans to be happy about.

Pick: Indianapolis

Detroit @ Chicago - I still not sold on Griese or the Bears team in general. A win against the Lions might start to make me a believer, though. Not a believer that they're a good team, mind you--just a believer that they don't completely fucking suck. I'm still on the fence with Detroit too, but with a win in Chicago I'll entertain the thought that they are actually pretty good. And a win this week will also put them halfway towards Jonny Kitna's 10 win pre-season prediction. Hm. How bout that?

Pick: Detroit

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati - This is a must win for Cincy. Even so, they will still lose. Is there such a thing as an anti-sleeper team? Did anyone predict before the season that the Bengals would blow so much?

Pick: Pittsburgh

Oakland @ Tennessee - Even with a horrible past two weeks with losses against the Chargers and an anemic performance offensively against Kansas City, I still believe Oakland can turn it around and make a push for the AFC West. They would really need a win this week to do so, though. And although I may be thinking too much since my gut is telling me to take Tennessee 100%, I'm still going to stick with Oakland.

Pick: Oakland

Jacksonville @ Tampa Bay - Had David Garrard been playing in this game, I would most likely take the Jaguars. I might also win my fantasy game this week. I'm beginning to think that my fantasy roster each year is like the Madden curse. Nearly two thirds of my team usually gets banged up at various points and to varying degrees all season. It's awesome...

Pick: Tampa Bay

Buffalo @ N.Y.J. - The Jets are another candidate for the anti-sleeper team of this season. What the fuck happened? Was last year a complete and utter fluke?

Pick: Buffalo

Houston @ San Diego - San Diego is on a roll and coming off a bye week, and with the city of San Diego rooting them on in the aftermath of the wildfires, I foresee no possible way they could lose this week. Lock of the week.

Pick: San Diego

New Orleans @ San Francisco - Here's to hoping Drew Brees continues to get better as the season progresses. He'll probably end up breaking his leg or something though, effectively ending my fantasy season halfway through. San Francisco? The third candidate for the anti-sleeper team of the year. I guess an ESPN the Magazine cover story about how pumped and talented your team is for the year doesn't translate to success. Huh.

Pick: New Orleans

Washington @ New England - I honestly considered taking Washington in this game, but until the Patriots show a real weakness for an extended period of time in a game, I can't bring myself to pick against them. The Redskins getting 16 points for the spread, though? That's ridiculous. If my credit card wasn't currently over the limit, I would definitely take the points on that one.

Pick: New England

Green Bay @ Denver - Was last weeks win over Pittsburgh a fluke? I don't think so. Is Green Bay really as good as their 5-1 record? I don't think so.

Pick: Denver

Week 7 Picks

Real quick.

Pats, Saints, Giants, Skins, Titans, Ravens, Vikings, Lions, Raiders, Bengals, Eagles, Rams, Broncos, Jaguars.

More stuff later.

Week 6 Picks

Minnesota @ Chicago - Normally I would take Chicago here, but then I remembered Brian Griese is there QB. And I cannot physically pick them when that is the case.

Miami @ Cleveland - If Miami didn't have Ronnie Brown playing out of his fucking mind this year, I think they might have had a shot at going defeated. But even in this game, with Ronnie running crazy, I think Cleveland will pull out a W.

P.S. Watching the Sox-Indians game right now... it's 9-6 Indians still Top of the 11th and all I have to say: Why the fuck did we sign Eric Gagne? Why?

Washington @ Green Bay - Green Bay had a pretty good run until last week. And their momentum isn't going to be regained in this game, either. Skins win big.

Cincinnati @ Kansas City - I still think Cincinnati is a decent team. And I still think Kansas City sucks. So I'm going with Cincy, here.

Tennessee @ Tampa Bay - Shouldn't the Madden Curse come into effect any week now? I say Young blows out his knee and Tampa Bay squeaks one out.

St. Louis @ Baltimore - UPSET SPECIAL! St. Louis wins their first one of the year. Wait a second, Bulger and Jackson aren't playing. Gus Frerotte or how ever the fuck you spell it is starting QB? Scratch that, Baltimore wins big.

Houston @ Jacksonville - If Andre Johnson was playing in this one, I'd take the Texans. But he's not, so I won't.

Philadelphia @ N.Y.J. - I just traded Thomas Jones in my fantasy league... so here's to hoping the Jets offense collectively shits the bed. Except for Leon Washington. Let's hope he does good. Philly by a small margin--say, three.

Carolina @ Arizona - As long as David Carr is the starting QB for the Panthers, and he continues to wear those queer ass white gloves... I can't pick them to win. Arizona wins big.

Oakland @ San Diego - Lots of people are saying the Chargers are back. They're gonna go on a roll. While I think that's plausible, I don't think it will start this week. Raiders with a somewhat unsurprising upset.

New England @ Dallas - I'm taking the Cowboys in this one...

Haha. Just kidding. Pats win decisively. Ehhhh... say 10 points.

New Orleans @ Seattle - The Saints offense finally gets there shit together and puts up mad points like they did last year, ultimately getting them their first win. About fucking time.

N.Y.G. @ Atlanta - Giants win. Sorry, I'm tired.

10 Reasons the Patriots will beat the Cowboys

1.) Tony Romo - He’s a good quarterback, I admit it. But he’s never faced a Belichick defense before. And as we all know, the first time you do that, it’s not a good time.

2.) Rodney Harrison’s Back - Yes, he took HGH. Yes, he’s known as a cheap shop, hard hitting asshole. Do I still love him, though? Your fucking right, I do.

3.) Patriots have destroyed everyone - Yes, the records of who they have played hasn’t been very good. But the Chargers are still good. They have all the same people as last year. The Jets are still good. They have all the same people. What’s the difference? Coaching? Perhaps. But let’s not downplay the teams they have played. And all the teams they have played, they’ve destroyed. Even if they were all bad. They destroyed them. Except perhaps the Browns. That was just a beat down, but the Browns played the Pats pretty well.

4.) Wade Phillips (The Cowboys coach) - He’s not very good. I think that’s all I need to say.

5.) Tom Brady - He’s been having a career year. Why would it stop now? The Cowboys defense, you say? Seriously? They’re 12th in pass defense. Good, but not Top 5. This is Tom Brady we’re talking about kids.

6.) Randy Moss - Remember the freakishly good wide receiver we knew in Minnesota? Well, guess what? He’s back. And he has a Hall of Fame quarterback throwing to him. Do you know what that means? A Hall of Fame quarterback throwing to a Hall of Fame wide receiver? Not to mention Moss has OWNED the Cowboys when he's played them. 675 yards? 10 Total TD's? Don’t get me wrong. I respect the Dallas offense. But after Tony Romo’s shitfest against the Buffalo defense on Monday Night Football? There going to need to play a lot better and without as many mistakes. Seriously. I’m gonna lead this into Number 7:

7.) Bill Belichick - All that cheating stuff aside. The guy is a defensive GENIUS. If I had to, I would look up quarterback’s first starts against Belichick to back up my point. But I don’t think I have enough readers for that. Feel free to look it up for me and refute my point. I’m not worried about it, though. Tony Romo will have a horrible game against a defensive scheme he has never even come close to seeing. Done, son.

8.) Terrell Owens - He kind of hinted that the Cowboys were going to win. Wait, not hinted. He pretty much stated it. Let’s just put it this way: T.O. is going to get rocked by Rodney Harrison. At least once. And I will giggle when that happens. I don’t not like T.O. or anything, but I do think he just needs to get smacked into a concussion. Let’s put it that way.

9.) The Cowboys are America’s Team - And as we all know--the Patriots are… I don’t even know how to put this… not America’s team? And if you’ve watched the Patriots in the past couple of years, it doesn’t matter if the Patriots are the favorite in Vegas. They take any major slight as a reason to win. Especially if everyone is picking them to lose with a team like the Cowboys. The game’s in Dallas, too. America’s team is going to lose, I can’t wait. It’ll be funny.

10.) Patriots Running Game - Even if Maroney doesn’t play we have Sammy Morris and Kevin Faulk. I don’t even have to go on about this. If Maroney plays, all done. Game over. If he doesn’t? Sammy Morris is pretty good. And we got Kevin Faulk on 3rd downs, as well as the best receiving corps on the league. I COULD BE THE FUCKING RUNNING BACK IN THIS SYSTEM! Tom Brady at quarterback. Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth, Wes Welker, Ben Watson. Do I need to go on? No, I don’t.

Week 6 Power Sixteen

1.) New England Patriots (5 - 0 - LW: 1) - With each week, the possibility of them going undefeated grows. And the possibility of me killing myself for not taking Tom Brady.

2.) Indianapolis Colts (5 - 0 - LW: 3) - I'm pretty sure I could rush for 100 yards as long as Peyton Manning was the QB.

3.) Dallas Cowboys (5 - 0 - LW: 2) - I'm not entirely sure how they beat the Bills Monday night. But they did so... there you go.

4.) Pittsburgh Steelers (4 - 1 - LW: 6) - Just when I was beginning to entertain the thought of the Seahawks being good... they get raped by the Steelers.

5.) Green Bay Packers (4 - 1 - LW: 4) - I still think they might not be very good. I have a feeling I'm right, too. A really big, would put money on it feeling.

6.) Washington Redskins (3 - 1 - LW: 11) - Not only did they put up 34 points, but they held the previously juggernaut Detroit offense to 3 points. A field goal. That's it.

7) Jacksonville Jaguars (3 - 1 - LW: 7) - They didn't destroy the Chiefs or anything, but they won decisively. And that's good enough for me.

8.) Tennessee Titans (3 - 1 - LW: 8) - Just like last year, they're not destroying teams or anything, but they are finding a way to win week in and week out.

9.) Baltimore Ravens (3 - 2 - LW: 13) - Although a 9-7 win over the 49ers is pretty shitty... it's still a win. And probably a reflection of what they're record will be this year.

10.) Seattle Seahawks (3 - 2 - LW: 5) - Too much of a drop? Absolutely fucking not.

11.) Arizona Cardinals (3 - 2 - LW: 14) - While I think the Cardinals are mediocre at best in the long haul with Kurt Warner, I have been wrong before. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

12.) San Diego Chargers (2 -3 - LW: Not Ranked) - They made the Broncos look like bitches on Sunday. And they also looked like the Chargers of last year. As much as I think L.T. is a pussy, they look like they're on the way up. And what about Michael Turner? Dude's a beast.

13.) New York Giants (3 - 2 - LW: Not Ranked) - Did they play good on Sunday? Or was it just that the Jets fucking blow? Or that Eric Mangini got lucky last year and he sucks at coaching? I don't know. I think it's a mixture of all of those things.

14.) Houston Texans (3 - 2 - LW: 15) - They need Andre Johnson back. With him, they're a legit contender.

15.) Oakland Raiders (2 -2 - LW: Not Ranked) - Here's to LaMont Jordan coming back this week. If not, they're fucked. And so is my fantasy team.

16.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3 - 2 - LW: 10) - At least they show support for they're injured running backs. What if Earnest Graham gets knocked out this week? Who's they're RB then?

Cowboys @ Bills - $$$

Honestly... I don't think the Bills are gonna blow tonight. Think about it. It's their first prime-time game in like... 100 years or so? And that is why I took the Bills, with a friend and got 10 points for 10 bucks. I know, I know, the line is 10 1/2... but my friend is a bitch, and I like to make things interesting. So here we go... the top 3 reasons I even thought to take the Bills on Monday night... for money.

1.) It's the first Monday night game (or Sunday night) for the Bills in... I can't even remember.

This is like a kid going who by all means isn't a dork, but never really got any play in high school. But then, senior year, he scores a bomb bitch for the prom and pulls out all the stops. Expensive cologne, a nasty suit, sneaks some booze in a water bottle to loosen her up a bit... is everyone getting this comparison? I hope so, because it makes sense to me.

But then again, I'm seven Jack Daniel drinks deep. So exuse my analogies if they make no sense.
2.) The Bills are bustin out the retro uniforms.

And as we learned from the Eagles retarded ass uniforms... teams play good when they look mad gay.

3.) It's in Buffalo. And all that country singers guy's are there for Monday night. And their rowdy.

It's a home game in Buffalo. And tying this into number one, this shit hasn't happened in a while. And if I've learned anything from this NFL season, anything can happen. Let's hope so, for my wallet.

Week 5 picks

I procrastinate way too much... and so, last weeks picks were pathetically short. And this weeks will be, too. I'm way too tired to write anything too long and tonight is the first night I can get some nice solid, sober sleep in, especially since I have to work in the morning. So, here's the picks. I doubt they'll be good, but who cares.

Texans, Titans, Jaguars, Giants, Saints, Cardinals, Pats, Steelers, Skins, Colts, Broncos, Ravens, Packers, Cowboys.

Last week: 8-8. Season: 23-25.

Week 5 Power Sixteen

After some feedback, I decided to up the Power Ten to a Power Sixteen. It adds some parity and shows the major teams in the playoff hunt. And that's always good.

#1 New England Patriots (4-0) - Serious talk of them going undefeated has officially begun.

#2 Dallas Cowboys (4 -0 ) - Week 6 vs. New England is on at 4:15? What the fuck happened to NBC's flex schedule?

#3 Indianapolis Colts (4 - 0) - It was close for a bit, but they sprung that game against the Broncos wide open.

#4 Green Bay Packers (4 - 0) - Still undefeated. And it seems the only threat they have now in the division is the... Lions?

#5 Seattle Seahawks (3 - 1) - There was talk of the 49ers giving the Hawks a run for there money for the NFC West. Guess not.

#6 Pittsburgh Steelers (3 - 1) - Week 5 against the Seahawks should show if the Steelers are for real.

#7 Jacksonville Jaguars (2 - 1) - Coming off a bye week to play the Chiefs. They should be fine.

#8 Tennessee Titans (2 - 1) - Vince Young is improving each week. Kind of like last year...

#9 Detroit Lions (3 - 1 ) - I never would have thought that the Lions would be this high on a Power Rankings list... will they keep it up? I'm predicting no.

#10 Tampa Bay Bucs (3 - 1) - I know Cadillac Williams is gone for the season and I considered dropping them down a bit for that but... this year's been fucking crazy. Watch Earnest Graham become the next Frank Gore.

#11 Washington Redskins (2 - 1) - They could have easily won that game against the Giants in Week 3. They play the enigma that is the Detroit Lions next and we'll know a lot more about both teams after the game.

#12 Denver Broncos (2 - 2) - I'm not sure exactly what caused the second half breakdown in the game against the Colts, but I'm still standing by that this is a solid team.

#13 Baltimore Ravens (2 - 2) - A loss to the Browns could have dropped them down quite a bit, but you know what? I think the Browns are actually good this year.

#14 Arizona Cardinals (2 - 2) - A win against a very good Steelers team gets them some respect in the rankings. Even if their QB situation is incredibly fucked up and weird.

#15 Houston Texans (2 - 2) - I'm keeping them relatively high since they lost to the Colts (good) and Falcons who I don't know what to think of.

#16 Cleveland Browns (2 - 2) - I've always thought that the Browns have had some talent on both sides of the ball and a great head coach. They just haven't had a QB... for fucking ever. Now, Dereck Anderson looks halfway decent. And for them, that will bode well... I think.