SportsCrack

The NFL jersey you wear and what it says about you

Last night, during that magical time in between waking and sleeping, I had an idea and I do not get ideas very often. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, here is a look into the psyche of those who wear your favorite NFL player jerseys. What story are you telling about yourself when you wear an NFL jersey? Well, let's find out - enjoy, and do go easy on the apple cider. I spiked it.

(Note - Since I'm so nice, I placed some Amazon ads you can click on if you'd like to buy the jersey -- and unless it's an L.T. jersey, I don't see why you wouldn't want one.)

Priest Holmes jersey - I enjoy living in the past a bit and think of myself as able to come back from anything. Even debilitating neck and spinal injuries. I tend to get people's hopes up but then blast them down with a shotgun, though I always thank my supporters.



Tom Brady jersey - Whats up baby? How are you doin'? I tend to think of myself as somewhat of a manly man. Except, I take three hours to get ready and use hand lotion because I don't like dry hands, damnit!



LaDainian Tomlinson jersey - I cry a lot and I get mad when I don't get my own way. I can't share very well and I always brag about my own things while making fun of yours. I'm also gay and LOVE how this powder blue jersey matches by shell-toes, don't you? Oh, and I'm classy, too. Don't you think?



Chad Johnson jersey - I'm that guy at the bar who talks mad shit to people and gets in their face but I nearly shit my pants when that person doesn't back down. Also, I curl up into a little ball and cry when I get punched in the face.



Randy Moss jersey - I am the fucking man.



Ray Lewis jersey - I killed a guy once at a Wheaties convention but for some strange reason, I got away with it and no one even seems to remember, which is pretty cool.



Adrian Peterson jersey - I'm confident, but not too confident. I am the heir apparent to the top of my corporate ladder and I have a hand crushingly strong handshake. I'm a bit fragile, though.




Adam 'Pacman' Jones jersey - I just shot up your house. My fault. Hey, want to go to a strip club? [In case your wondering why there's no picture for Pacman... I couldn't find one. I guess no one wants to sell something with his name on it. Interesting...]


LaMont Jordan jersey - I was really cool for like, two weeks of my entire life. Then I tweaked by back and can't go out anymore because my wife won't let me.



Brett Favre jersey - I'm really old but I am a legend on the tackle football battlefield down at Sampson park. Until I break a leg or have a heart attack, I am not going to retire. Also, I LOVE Wrangler jeans.



Peyton Manning jersey - I like to give life advice to pretty much everyone. Even people I do not know and meet on the train.



Ben Roethlisberger jersey - I'm the guy who everyone likes, then began to like even MORE after I got into a car accident and got tons of prescriptions for perks and vikes. Five bucks a pop, buddy. Fork it over.



Tony Romo jersey - I used to be shy, but then I landed a commercial gig and I am on top of the world. I smile and giggle a lot.



Well, that's about it for now. May your turkeys be tasty and your beers be plenty.