SportsCrack

10 Reasons the Patriots will beat the Cowboys

1.) Tony Romo - He’s a good quarterback, I admit it. But he’s never faced a Belichick defense before. And as we all know, the first time you do that, it’s not a good time.

2.) Rodney Harrison’s Back - Yes, he took HGH. Yes, he’s known as a cheap shop, hard hitting asshole. Do I still love him, though? Your fucking right, I do.

3.) Patriots have destroyed everyone - Yes, the records of who they have played hasn’t been very good. But the Chargers are still good. They have all the same people as last year. The Jets are still good. They have all the same people. What’s the difference? Coaching? Perhaps. But let’s not downplay the teams they have played. And all the teams they have played, they’ve destroyed. Even if they were all bad. They destroyed them. Except perhaps the Browns. That was just a beat down, but the Browns played the Pats pretty well.

4.) Wade Phillips (The Cowboys coach) - He’s not very good. I think that’s all I need to say.

5.) Tom Brady - He’s been having a career year. Why would it stop now? The Cowboys defense, you say? Seriously? They’re 12th in pass defense. Good, but not Top 5. This is Tom Brady we’re talking about kids.

6.) Randy Moss - Remember the freakishly good wide receiver we knew in Minnesota? Well, guess what? He’s back. And he has a Hall of Fame quarterback throwing to him. Do you know what that means? A Hall of Fame quarterback throwing to a Hall of Fame wide receiver? Not to mention Moss has OWNED the Cowboys when he's played them. 675 yards? 10 Total TD's? Don’t get me wrong. I respect the Dallas offense. But after Tony Romo’s shitfest against the Buffalo defense on Monday Night Football? There going to need to play a lot better and without as many mistakes. Seriously. I’m gonna lead this into Number 7:

7.) Bill Belichick - All that cheating stuff aside. The guy is a defensive GENIUS. If I had to, I would look up quarterback’s first starts against Belichick to back up my point. But I don’t think I have enough readers for that. Feel free to look it up for me and refute my point. I’m not worried about it, though. Tony Romo will have a horrible game against a defensive scheme he has never even come close to seeing. Done, son.

8.) Terrell Owens - He kind of hinted that the Cowboys were going to win. Wait, not hinted. He pretty much stated it. Let’s just put it this way: T.O. is going to get rocked by Rodney Harrison. At least once. And I will giggle when that happens. I don’t not like T.O. or anything, but I do think he just needs to get smacked into a concussion. Let’s put it that way.

9.) The Cowboys are America’s Team - And as we all know--the Patriots are… I don’t even know how to put this… not America’s team? And if you’ve watched the Patriots in the past couple of years, it doesn’t matter if the Patriots are the favorite in Vegas. They take any major slight as a reason to win. Especially if everyone is picking them to lose with a team like the Cowboys. The game’s in Dallas, too. America’s team is going to lose, I can’t wait. It’ll be funny.

10.) Patriots Running Game - Even if Maroney doesn’t play we have Sammy Morris and Kevin Faulk. I don’t even have to go on about this. If Maroney plays, all done. Game over. If he doesn’t? Sammy Morris is pretty good. And we got Kevin Faulk on 3rd downs, as well as the best receiving corps on the league. I COULD BE THE FUCKING RUNNING BACK IN THIS SYSTEM! Tom Brady at quarterback. Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth, Wes Welker, Ben Watson. Do I need to go on? No, I don’t.

Cowboys @ Bills - $$$

Honestly... I don't think the Bills are gonna blow tonight. Think about it. It's their first prime-time game in like... 100 years or so? And that is why I took the Bills, with a friend and got 10 points for 10 bucks. I know, I know, the line is 10 1/2... but my friend is a bitch, and I like to make things interesting. So here we go... the top 3 reasons I even thought to take the Bills on Monday night... for money.

1.) It's the first Monday night game (or Sunday night) for the Bills in... I can't even remember.

This is like a kid going who by all means isn't a dork, but never really got any play in high school. But then, senior year, he scores a bomb bitch for the prom and pulls out all the stops. Expensive cologne, a nasty suit, sneaks some booze in a water bottle to loosen her up a bit... is everyone getting this comparison? I hope so, because it makes sense to me.

But then again, I'm seven Jack Daniel drinks deep. So exuse my analogies if they make no sense.
2.) The Bills are bustin out the retro uniforms.

And as we learned from the Eagles retarded ass uniforms... teams play good when they look mad gay.

3.) It's in Buffalo. And all that country singers guy's are there for Monday night. And their rowdy.

It's a home game in Buffalo. And tying this into number one, this shit hasn't happened in a while. And if I've learned anything from this NFL season, anything can happen. Let's hope so, for my wallet.