SportsCrack

10 Reasons the Patriots will beat the Cowboys

1.) Tony Romo - He’s a good quarterback, I admit it. But he’s never faced a Belichick defense before. And as we all know, the first time you do that, it’s not a good time.

2.) Rodney Harrison’s Back - Yes, he took HGH. Yes, he’s known as a cheap shop, hard hitting asshole. Do I still love him, though? Your fucking right, I do.

3.) Patriots have destroyed everyone - Yes, the records of who they have played hasn’t been very good. But the Chargers are still good. They have all the same people as last year. The Jets are still good. They have all the same people. What’s the difference? Coaching? Perhaps. But let’s not downplay the teams they have played. And all the teams they have played, they’ve destroyed. Even if they were all bad. They destroyed them. Except perhaps the Browns. That was just a beat down, but the Browns played the Pats pretty well.

4.) Wade Phillips (The Cowboys coach) - He’s not very good. I think that’s all I need to say.

5.) Tom Brady - He’s been having a career year. Why would it stop now? The Cowboys defense, you say? Seriously? They’re 12th in pass defense. Good, but not Top 5. This is Tom Brady we’re talking about kids.

6.) Randy Moss - Remember the freakishly good wide receiver we knew in Minnesota? Well, guess what? He’s back. And he has a Hall of Fame quarterback throwing to him. Do you know what that means? A Hall of Fame quarterback throwing to a Hall of Fame wide receiver? Not to mention Moss has OWNED the Cowboys when he's played them. 675 yards? 10 Total TD's? Don’t get me wrong. I respect the Dallas offense. But after Tony Romo’s shitfest against the Buffalo defense on Monday Night Football? There going to need to play a lot better and without as many mistakes. Seriously. I’m gonna lead this into Number 7:

7.) Bill Belichick - All that cheating stuff aside. The guy is a defensive GENIUS. If I had to, I would look up quarterback’s first starts against Belichick to back up my point. But I don’t think I have enough readers for that. Feel free to look it up for me and refute my point. I’m not worried about it, though. Tony Romo will have a horrible game against a defensive scheme he has never even come close to seeing. Done, son.

8.) Terrell Owens - He kind of hinted that the Cowboys were going to win. Wait, not hinted. He pretty much stated it. Let’s just put it this way: T.O. is going to get rocked by Rodney Harrison. At least once. And I will giggle when that happens. I don’t not like T.O. or anything, but I do think he just needs to get smacked into a concussion. Let’s put it that way.

9.) The Cowboys are America’s Team - And as we all know--the Patriots are… I don’t even know how to put this… not America’s team? And if you’ve watched the Patriots in the past couple of years, it doesn’t matter if the Patriots are the favorite in Vegas. They take any major slight as a reason to win. Especially if everyone is picking them to lose with a team like the Cowboys. The game’s in Dallas, too. America’s team is going to lose, I can’t wait. It’ll be funny.

10.) Patriots Running Game - Even if Maroney doesn’t play we have Sammy Morris and Kevin Faulk. I don’t even have to go on about this. If Maroney plays, all done. Game over. If he doesn’t? Sammy Morris is pretty good. And we got Kevin Faulk on 3rd downs, as well as the best receiving corps on the league. I COULD BE THE FUCKING RUNNING BACK IN THIS SYSTEM! Tom Brady at quarterback. Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth, Wes Welker, Ben Watson. Do I need to go on? No, I don’t.

Week 6 Power Sixteen

1.) New England Patriots (5 - 0 - LW: 1) - With each week, the possibility of them going undefeated grows. And the possibility of me killing myself for not taking Tom Brady.

2.) Indianapolis Colts (5 - 0 - LW: 3) - I'm pretty sure I could rush for 100 yards as long as Peyton Manning was the QB.

3.) Dallas Cowboys (5 - 0 - LW: 2) - I'm not entirely sure how they beat the Bills Monday night. But they did so... there you go.

4.) Pittsburgh Steelers (4 - 1 - LW: 6) - Just when I was beginning to entertain the thought of the Seahawks being good... they get raped by the Steelers.

5.) Green Bay Packers (4 - 1 - LW: 4) - I still think they might not be very good. I have a feeling I'm right, too. A really big, would put money on it feeling.

6.) Washington Redskins (3 - 1 - LW: 11) - Not only did they put up 34 points, but they held the previously juggernaut Detroit offense to 3 points. A field goal. That's it.

7) Jacksonville Jaguars (3 - 1 - LW: 7) - They didn't destroy the Chiefs or anything, but they won decisively. And that's good enough for me.

8.) Tennessee Titans (3 - 1 - LW: 8) - Just like last year, they're not destroying teams or anything, but they are finding a way to win week in and week out.

9.) Baltimore Ravens (3 - 2 - LW: 13) - Although a 9-7 win over the 49ers is pretty shitty... it's still a win. And probably a reflection of what they're record will be this year.

10.) Seattle Seahawks (3 - 2 - LW: 5) - Too much of a drop? Absolutely fucking not.

11.) Arizona Cardinals (3 - 2 - LW: 14) - While I think the Cardinals are mediocre at best in the long haul with Kurt Warner, I have been wrong before. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

12.) San Diego Chargers (2 -3 - LW: Not Ranked) - They made the Broncos look like bitches on Sunday. And they also looked like the Chargers of last year. As much as I think L.T. is a pussy, they look like they're on the way up. And what about Michael Turner? Dude's a beast.

13.) New York Giants (3 - 2 - LW: Not Ranked) - Did they play good on Sunday? Or was it just that the Jets fucking blow? Or that Eric Mangini got lucky last year and he sucks at coaching? I don't know. I think it's a mixture of all of those things.

14.) Houston Texans (3 - 2 - LW: 15) - They need Andre Johnson back. With him, they're a legit contender.

15.) Oakland Raiders (2 -2 - LW: Not Ranked) - Here's to LaMont Jordan coming back this week. If not, they're fucked. And so is my fantasy team.

16.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3 - 2 - LW: 10) - At least they show support for they're injured running backs. What if Earnest Graham gets knocked out this week? Who's they're RB then?

Cowboys @ Bills - $$$

Honestly... I don't think the Bills are gonna blow tonight. Think about it. It's their first prime-time game in like... 100 years or so? And that is why I took the Bills, with a friend and got 10 points for 10 bucks. I know, I know, the line is 10 1/2... but my friend is a bitch, and I like to make things interesting. So here we go... the top 3 reasons I even thought to take the Bills on Monday night... for money.

1.) It's the first Monday night game (or Sunday night) for the Bills in... I can't even remember.

This is like a kid going who by all means isn't a dork, but never really got any play in high school. But then, senior year, he scores a bomb bitch for the prom and pulls out all the stops. Expensive cologne, a nasty suit, sneaks some booze in a water bottle to loosen her up a bit... is everyone getting this comparison? I hope so, because it makes sense to me.

But then again, I'm seven Jack Daniel drinks deep. So exuse my analogies if they make no sense.
2.) The Bills are bustin out the retro uniforms.

And as we learned from the Eagles retarded ass uniforms... teams play good when they look mad gay.

3.) It's in Buffalo. And all that country singers guy's are there for Monday night. And their rowdy.

It's a home game in Buffalo. And tying this into number one, this shit hasn't happened in a while. And if I've learned anything from this NFL season, anything can happen. Let's hope so, for my wallet.

Week 5 picks

I procrastinate way too much... and so, last weeks picks were pathetically short. And this weeks will be, too. I'm way too tired to write anything too long and tonight is the first night I can get some nice solid, sober sleep in, especially since I have to work in the morning. So, here's the picks. I doubt they'll be good, but who cares.

Texans, Titans, Jaguars, Giants, Saints, Cardinals, Pats, Steelers, Skins, Colts, Broncos, Ravens, Packers, Cowboys.

Last week: 8-8. Season: 23-25.

Week 5 Power Sixteen

After some feedback, I decided to up the Power Ten to a Power Sixteen. It adds some parity and shows the major teams in the playoff hunt. And that's always good.

#1 New England Patriots (4-0) - Serious talk of them going undefeated has officially begun.

#2 Dallas Cowboys (4 -0 ) - Week 6 vs. New England is on at 4:15? What the fuck happened to NBC's flex schedule?

#3 Indianapolis Colts (4 - 0) - It was close for a bit, but they sprung that game against the Broncos wide open.

#4 Green Bay Packers (4 - 0) - Still undefeated. And it seems the only threat they have now in the division is the... Lions?

#5 Seattle Seahawks (3 - 1) - There was talk of the 49ers giving the Hawks a run for there money for the NFC West. Guess not.

#6 Pittsburgh Steelers (3 - 1) - Week 5 against the Seahawks should show if the Steelers are for real.

#7 Jacksonville Jaguars (2 - 1) - Coming off a bye week to play the Chiefs. They should be fine.

#8 Tennessee Titans (2 - 1) - Vince Young is improving each week. Kind of like last year...

#9 Detroit Lions (3 - 1 ) - I never would have thought that the Lions would be this high on a Power Rankings list... will they keep it up? I'm predicting no.

#10 Tampa Bay Bucs (3 - 1) - I know Cadillac Williams is gone for the season and I considered dropping them down a bit for that but... this year's been fucking crazy. Watch Earnest Graham become the next Frank Gore.

#11 Washington Redskins (2 - 1) - They could have easily won that game against the Giants in Week 3. They play the enigma that is the Detroit Lions next and we'll know a lot more about both teams after the game.

#12 Denver Broncos (2 - 2) - I'm not sure exactly what caused the second half breakdown in the game against the Colts, but I'm still standing by that this is a solid team.

#13 Baltimore Ravens (2 - 2) - A loss to the Browns could have dropped them down quite a bit, but you know what? I think the Browns are actually good this year.

#14 Arizona Cardinals (2 - 2) - A win against a very good Steelers team gets them some respect in the rankings. Even if their QB situation is incredibly fucked up and weird.

#15 Houston Texans (2 - 2) - I'm keeping them relatively high since they lost to the Colts (good) and Falcons who I don't know what to think of.

#16 Cleveland Browns (2 - 2) - I've always thought that the Browns have had some talent on both sides of the ball and a great head coach. They just haven't had a QB... for fucking ever. Now, Dereck Anderson looks halfway decent. And for them, that will bode well... I think.