SportsCrack

Packers @ Cowboys TNF Preview!

This game will mark the eighth time ever that two 10-1 teams have met in the regular season. With that said, while most people think these two will meet again in the NFC championship, I do not. Whoever loses this game will go into a downward spiral and not carry enough momentum into the playoffs. I say this because I am a genius, and you should listen to me. So… yeah.

Anyway, in the interests of being fair and balanced, let’s break down this game into different categories. Unlike the last preview, we will break it down into offense vs. defense, vice versa and coaching. It is much easier that way, and I like easy. I will also try and sprinkle various witty and entertaining comments throughout this preview, but the keyword is ‘try’. I’m not making ANY promises. Let’s begin.

Cowboys offense vs. Packers defense

The key here obviously, is if Charles Woodson is going to play. He will be a game time decision along with defensive end Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila. Not only does Charles Woodson effect Green Bay’s defensive play, but he also effects the special teams.

The Cowboys offense has been great this year. In fact, it is ranked second in the league overall behind the mighty Patriots. However, many times they didn’t get the offense going until the second half. If the Packers defensive line can get pressure on Romo and maybe rough him up a bit, and succeed in stopping Marion ‘the Barbarian’ Barber (Best nickname in the history of nicknames, I think). Common sense? Yes. Did it need to be said? Also yes.

Edge: Even…

What was that?

Fine, I won’t be a pussy…

Edge: Cowboys

Packers offense vs. Cowboys defense

I’ve waited for the Packers offense to shit the bed for the first eight to nine weeks of the season. After that, I realized they might actually be pretty good. I was surprised to learn though, that they are third overall behind the Patriots and Cowboys in total offense. Weird.

Dallas has the seventh ranked defense in the league. So this is going to be the most competitive part of the game. (Cowboys O vs. Packers D will be competitive too, but the Cowboys O is ranked 2nd while the Packers D is ranked 12th - a great match up but not as good as the one we’re talking about in this section. On a side note, I place a TON of emphasis on offensive and defensive rankings this late in the season. I’m shallow like that).

I’m still skeptical about Ryan Grant (albeit, pissed I didn’t pick him up with one of my 2 FA bids in my fantasy league) so I think we’re going to learn a lot about him in this game.

In weird little retarded stat side note, Brett Favre is 0-8 in Texas stadium. Does this mean anything? Absolutely not. Will he be 0-9 after this game? I don’t know, wait until the end…

Edge: Cowboys

Mike McCarthy vs. Wade Phillips

While this is technically Mike McCarthy’s first successful season, I just don’t like Wade Phillips for some reason. Will this cause me to give the edge to McCarthy? What do you think I am, an asshole? However, I do think Mike McCarthy is a better game planner. Wade Phillips looks like he’d rather play Candy land with Tony Romo instead of planning for an actual game.

Edge: Packers

So there we have it. Thanks to my generous nature, we have now broken down the major parts of the game. We didn’t break it down to electron size like most people, but I hope we have all gotten a general gist of what’s going to be happening here. I’m not a fucking scientist, so if you want someone to break down left guard vs. defensive tackle/end than I apologize.

Now, who I do think will win? In my heart of hearts, I believe the Cowboys will win this one. And I always go with my heart of hearts feeling for my picks. If any of you have read my picks on Football Crack each week, you also know that my heart of heart feelings are NEVER fucking right. I think I’m batting just below .500 for the year and well, that is just not acceptable.

So, in a prediction that means absolutely nothing except to give closure to this spectacular preview…

Cowboys: 31 Packers: 27

Here’s to hoping you have NFL Network, too. Cause if you don’t than that just sucks. : /

Sean Taylor -- 1983 - 2007

I can honestly say with sincerity that he was the
most exciting defensive player I have ever
had the pleasure of watching. May he R.I.P.

The NFL jersey you wear and what it says about you

Last night, during that magical time in between waking and sleeping, I had an idea and I do not get ideas very often. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, here is a look into the psyche of those who wear your favorite NFL player jerseys. What story are you telling about yourself when you wear an NFL jersey? Well, let's find out - enjoy, and do go easy on the apple cider. I spiked it.

(Note - Since I'm so nice, I placed some Amazon ads you can click on if you'd like to buy the jersey -- and unless it's an L.T. jersey, I don't see why you wouldn't want one.)

Priest Holmes jersey - I enjoy living in the past a bit and think of myself as able to come back from anything. Even debilitating neck and spinal injuries. I tend to get people's hopes up but then blast them down with a shotgun, though I always thank my supporters.



Tom Brady jersey - Whats up baby? How are you doin'? I tend to think of myself as somewhat of a manly man. Except, I take three hours to get ready and use hand lotion because I don't like dry hands, damnit!



LaDainian Tomlinson jersey - I cry a lot and I get mad when I don't get my own way. I can't share very well and I always brag about my own things while making fun of yours. I'm also gay and LOVE how this powder blue jersey matches by shell-toes, don't you? Oh, and I'm classy, too. Don't you think?



Chad Johnson jersey - I'm that guy at the bar who talks mad shit to people and gets in their face but I nearly shit my pants when that person doesn't back down. Also, I curl up into a little ball and cry when I get punched in the face.



Randy Moss jersey - I am the fucking man.



Ray Lewis jersey - I killed a guy once at a Wheaties convention but for some strange reason, I got away with it and no one even seems to remember, which is pretty cool.



Adrian Peterson jersey - I'm confident, but not too confident. I am the heir apparent to the top of my corporate ladder and I have a hand crushingly strong handshake. I'm a bit fragile, though.




Adam 'Pacman' Jones jersey - I just shot up your house. My fault. Hey, want to go to a strip club? [In case your wondering why there's no picture for Pacman... I couldn't find one. I guess no one wants to sell something with his name on it. Interesting...]


LaMont Jordan jersey - I was really cool for like, two weeks of my entire life. Then I tweaked by back and can't go out anymore because my wife won't let me.



Brett Favre jersey - I'm really old but I am a legend on the tackle football battlefield down at Sampson park. Until I break a leg or have a heart attack, I am not going to retire. Also, I LOVE Wrangler jeans.



Peyton Manning jersey - I like to give life advice to pretty much everyone. Even people I do not know and meet on the train.



Ben Roethlisberger jersey - I'm the guy who everyone likes, then began to like even MORE after I got into a car accident and got tons of prescriptions for perks and vikes. Five bucks a pop, buddy. Fork it over.



Tony Romo jersey - I used to be shy, but then I landed a commercial gig and I am on top of the world. I smile and giggle a lot.



Well, that's about it for now. May your turkeys be tasty and your beers be plenty.

Back in time for Turkeyday

I know, it's been like 4 years since my last post. My bad. I just wrote an informational e-book that will hopefully make me some greenage. And no, I will not whore it out on this blog because it has absolutely nothing to do with football.

Or... maybe I will, I don't know. Anyway, back to football!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and for the first time since I can remember, the Lions are actually playing in a meaningful game. I was looking forward to putting some money on them, but then I lost all of my money that I had left (until this Friday) this past Sunday when New Orleans shit the bed and the Jets beat the Steelers. Seriously, how did that happen? I took the Steelers and they were GIVING ten points! And they lost! I thought this team was the heir apparent to end the Patriots undefeated season attempt? I guess not.

Oh well. Here are the picks:

Lions over Packers.
Cowboys over Jets.
Falcons over Colts. (Upset!)

On a quick side note, I would like to wish Priest Holmes a happy retirement. I would also like to thank him for effectively ruining my shot at making the playoffs in my fantasy league.

You see, we only get two waiver wire moves for the whole season. This is to prevent faggots having an ever-changing starting line up like a waiver wire whore house. Anyway, not surprisingly, I used my two pickups within like, the first six weeks of the season. By week 10, everyone had used there's up except the commish.

My running back situation was dire and the Jack Daniels in my blood stream was telling me to make a move or lose. So, I stopped over my commishes house, busted out a trade that looked a bit like this:

I gave up: Plaxico Burress and LaMont Jordan and I got: Chris Chambers, Jerrious Norwood and a FA pickup (Priest Holmes).

Yes, I know, in the light of the recent Holmes re-retirement this looks like perhaps the worst trade in fantasy football history. But I didn't know Priest was going to retire after two games! I thought L.J. was done for the season and I was making a sneaky, genius deal.

Guess not. Thanks though, Mr. Holmes. I'm going to get fucking HOUNDED all through the Super Bowl party. Well wishes, though. I admire your efforts and am thinking about buying your jersey just to parody the whole thing and make fun of myself. I'm cool like that.

Power rankings and random ramblings to come. Stay tuned.

Adrian Peterson - A Mini Biography

Adrian Peterson. Who is he? Is he who we think he is? While I think it’s a bit premature to be awarding him the title of the ‘next LaDanian Tomlinson’ or the ‘next Eric Dickerson’ let’s delve into his history a bit and see if we can discover why he’s one of the most talented and exciting rookie running backs we’ve ever seen.

Adrian Peterson was born on March 21st, 1985 in Palestine, Texas. He had a rough childhood, with his father, Nelson Peterson being sentenced to ten years in prison when he was thirteen and his brother Brian being killed at the age of nine by a drunk driver.

Adrian participated in track and field and basketball from early on and up until his high school years. He excelled at both. However, it was his junior and senior years when he played football where people begin to realize he was going to be very, very good.

His senior year in high school, he was voted the Consensus national player of the year after racking up 2,960 yards on 252 carries and 32 touchdowns. This dwarfed even his stellar junior season where he rushed for 2,051 on 246 carries and 22 touchdowns. Suffice it to say, The Oklahoma Sooners were quite excited to have him on board.

They were even more excited when he broke several NCAA rookie rushing records and finished second in the Heisman balloting, all in his freshman year. He finished with 1,925 yards on 339 carries and 15 touchdowns.

A.D. (or ‘All Day’ – his nickname) led the Sooners to the national championship game against the U.S.C. Trojans. The Trojans won however, in a rout, 55-19.

A.D. injured his ankle early in the 2005 season and ended up missing four games. Even so, he rushed for 1,108 yards on 220 carries and 14 touchdowns. He was included on the All-Big 12 Conference team.

Here's Bob Stoops commenting on how Adrian Peterson compared to other running backs he’s seen, as said at a Big 12 media day.

“I can’t compare him to anyone else; I haven’t seen anyone like him. He’s a powerful, explosive back with great speed and great style. He’s a tough, physical runner. Bottom line, until he was hurt, he’s had a lot of success. It’s not his fault that he got hurt. We plan to give him the ball a lot and hopefully he has a great year. He’s incredibly physical. He’s a guy who can run a 4.3 and weighs 220 pounds. He absolutely destroys a weight room.”

Peterson’s final season in 2006 allowed him to play in front of his father, Nelson, for the first time when he was released from prison. He also broke his collar-bone in said game, ending the rest of his regular season.

He returned in the Fiesta Bowl against Boise State, needing only 151 yards to pass Billy Sims to be Oklahoma’s all-time leading rusher.

The game, arguably one of the best in Bowl Championship Series history, was eventually won by Boise State in overtime 43-42. Peterson finished with only 77 yards, 74 yards short of Sims school record. For his career, he had 4,045 yards on 648 carries and 41 touchdowns.

Peterson kept mum about his future plans until January 15th, 2007 when he announced he would enter the NFL draft, not returning for his senior season. Mel Kiper Jr. a draft analyst said of Peterson,

"You can make the argument, [Peterson] is the best player in this draft, if not, certainly one of the top three.”

Comparisons were made to Eric Dickerson as well, when coming out of college. Funny, that halfway through his rookie season, it’s being predicted he has a realistic shot at breaking Dickerson’s single season rushing record.

Tragedy struck again when Peterson’s step-brother Chris Paris was shot to death in Houston, Texas a day before the NFL Combine.

Still, he trudged on, becoming a Minnesota Viking when they took him with the 7th overall pick in the 2007 NFL Draft. Upon breaking Jamal Lewis’ single game rushing record on November 4th, 2007, many NFL teams who passed on Peterson in the draft wished they hadn’t done so due to his injury concerns. Doing so meant they perhaps passed on what could be the greatest back in NFL history.

We’ll conclude with a quote from Deion Sanders about Peterson:

“He has the vision of a Marshall Faulk, the power of a Terrell Davis, and the speed of an Eric Dickerson. Let’s pray he has the endurance of an Emmitt Smith.”

All day, all day.